Why I Struggled to Rest - Relearning How to Slow Down

I have always struggled with taking pauses — with resting and feeling safe at the same time.

Every break, every slow moment comes with a wave of restlessness, a whisper of guilt: “You’re wasting time. You should be doing something.”

Looking back, I can see where this comes from.

I grew up in a space where sitting idle didn’t feel okay. Holidays didn’t mean sleeping in a little longer or just doing nothing. The message I received was clear — always use your time productively. Study, read something — a book, a newspaper — or help in the kitchen. Even going out with friends or laughing out loud didn’t feel comfortable. Following routines and keeping to designated timelines was the norm.

And as I stepped into adulthood, I carried these patterns with me.

I became that person who was always on the go — rushing, pushing, and pursuing one thing after another. Even before finishing something, 'what next' was on top of my mind! Any time I took a break — whether it was a weekend off, a holiday, or a longer pause in my career — that restlessness and guilt followed. When I wasn’t actively doing something, I would start questioning my worth. It didn’t feel safe. It didn’t feel like me.

From a neuroscience perspective, this makes sense.

Our brains develop patterns based on our early experiences of reward and safety. As a child, I learned that I would be valued only when I was “doing something meaningful.” My nervous system gradually linked being active to feeling safe. Over time, these patterns became automatic. That’s why slowing down or resting made me feel uncomfortable — my brain perceived it as a threat.

I learned that the restlessness and guilt I experienced weren’t just a mindset — they were conditioned neural responses. And this realization was powerful. Rather than blaming myself for the restlessness or asking, “Why am I like this?” I began to understand where it was coming from.

So, a big part of my inner work now has been gently retraining my nervous system to feel safe in stillness. Breaking old patterns is never easy. I have been learning to notice that wave of restlessness that pops up every time I pause. I have learned to acknowledge it, to breathe through it, and then gently reassure myself by changing my inner narrative —“It’s okay. You’re safe. Taking it slow doesn’t make you less worthy.” I remind myself that nothing bad will happen if I slow down.

It’s a process of re-teaching my body that rest is not laziness; it’s regulation. And perhaps, staying still or pausing is even more powerful than constantly being in motion. Over time, I’ve begun to find joy in the simple pleasures of everyday life — without needing to chase milestones or external achievements.

Some of the things I consciously practice as part of retraining my nervous system:

🌿 Spending a few quiet moments with myself daily — just me and my thoughts (no scrolling).

🌿 Slowing down with my daily chores and practicing mindfulness in what I’m doing.

🌿 Being kind to myself in my inner dialogues.

🌿 Consciously appreciating the small moments of everyday life.

Maybe you can pause for a moment and ask yourself:

✨ What stories or beliefs do I hold about rest and productivity?

✨ When I slow down, what feelings arise in my body?

Sometimes, this is exactly where therapy begins — in learning to slow down, feel safe in stillness, and rebuild a kinder relationship with yourself. 🌿